ANGEL FROM HEAVEN

Have you ever thought about it: one day you have lost your self, be it state of mind, phyiscal ability or any essential aspect of your life.if one day you are humiliated, go bankrupt, crippled, disfigured, insane,down with a terminal disease, have lost any or every positive traits of a basic human being, become inhuman, the worse and most bothersome person on earth.... who would be the last one standing with you?

i know, things are hard to say- the human character is so unpredictable and sometimes we don't even know ourselves well enough. but the sad nature of selfishness will prove that even the closest, seemingly most caring people may one day betray or abandon you at the most tragic point of your life.

IF i ever progress into being the most bothersome, trouble-creating and burden-incurring human in the world... i know most people would leave me, to be very frank i can't even vouch for my mum and sis. (okay yes some kin would stay around to show some concern but they would definitely hope to stay less involved) Every has a limit in tolerance and even your family members or spouse would give up on you one day. Love is insufficient to stand on its own, it has to be love + an inseparable bond to selflessly give and care for.

And i truthfully feel that by God's grace, there will be ONE person who is different, or at least the last one stading on your side.

i wouldn't deny how bothersome a creature i am. after some serious issues during my upper secondary school years and much stress and tension from school, i have changed drastically in person. all the happy cheerful traits of elaine in the past seemed to be washed off and only negative thoughts come in. lots of tears dropped, temper flared, and emoing sessions about every minute little thing.

pessimisism rose to 99%.
health level & self-confidence dropping.

and who is it everyday who bothers to eat with me, ask about my health, take me to the doctor, cover up the excuses, sides me, pampers me, giving in to all my fancies and whims, understanding my plight in the many aspects, morally and physically supporting me in my passion, choices and decisions and really making a point to wake me up from this self-torturing depression state?

my dad.

if i were him, i would have half given up on this helpless daugther. but he did not. he is still giving his all, willing to sacrifice money, patience, work, efforts and his precious time to change the better out of me... without any form of complain or regrets. i feel so blessed, really.

that day i was being negative once again and something he said struck me to my senses. in the text message i wrote, "if one day i were to die, my greatest regret would be how much pain and unhappiness i incurred to you and mummy, always causing trouble for you all" (i had no idea why i said that too!)

he replied, "elaine why are you thinking this way? i am worried". followed by a few more moral-encouraging ones and then.. "if i had one wish left, i would wish for my daughter elaine to be happy everyday. she is not as bad as she thinks."

it hit me deep down. my dad is even willing to spend his last ever wish on his obviously hopeless daughter. if not for him, i would perhaps have already left the world (realistically yes) yet on my side? im still constantly creating problems for him everyday and taking his care for granted. i've been so self-centred!

so i want to get the message across. maybe it is time to think... who is that angel in your life? AND PLEASE TREASURE HIM/HER before it is too late.


this is the daddy i will always love,
always treasure and never want to lose.
& i thank god for sending him to me.

for him i will be happy (: